| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| recoveryfan |
Posted - 04/24/2012 : 06:32:46
After 17 years of marriage and two teenage children, my husband and I recently separated. Troubles had started a while ago. At first, I was very ok with it and strong, I did an extreme amount of work in the house cleaning and painting. Then I ran out of things to do. Also he informed me that he was going to purchase a new house. That is when I began to work myself up.
Symptoms are: initial flare of angry temper at him for possibly jeopardizing the finances. Secondary onset of lowered feelings, fearful temper, jittery, nausea, diarrhea, watching myself, pre-occupation with lowered feelings, taking fear to an extreme of being all alone, especially as I age. Imagination on fire that I will have no one to help me, that my chidren will leave asap. Angry at the setback.
Spotting: It is average to be in lowered feelings when a marriage ends, I am not exceptional. Move your muscles. Re-educate the brain by eating even when nauseaus. Possibilities vs probabilities. My imagination is on fire. Stop attaching danger to the setback and the symptoms. I have sought out a support group for separated/divorced people and will attend it. I have endorsed for this.
Former days: I had no recovery training, no 4 steps. no spotting tools, no secure thoughts. I would have diagnosed myself as a hopeless case. |
| 13 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| janey |
Posted - 04/28/2012 : 15:46:50
Helpless is not hopeless. Her workup over this is average, she is finding ways to work it down through the tools. Endorseable. Perfection is a hope dream and an illusion. Try fail, try fail, try succeed. I spot temperamental lingo "no one to help me". To know is not to know. |
| Molly |
Posted - 04/28/2012 : 10:58:08
The example giver is average and will have and can expect to have hundreds of opportunities to work her feelings down while she is in this process. And that is average.
We can count our lucky stars that we have such effective tools to minimize the discomfort of going through the process.
Dr Low said that he could not promise perfect health but rather the best possible mental health. Recovery can not promise that one can get through a divorce without symptoms but it can guarantee that a member's unnecessary suffering will be reduced in proportion to the effort they apply to the training. That is a fabulous guarantee.
Molly |
| anne s. |
Posted - 04/27/2012 : 11:05:18
Recoveryfan has much to endorse for in this example. Dr. Low tells us to expect setbacks but do not be alarmed by them. They are phasic and not basic. The closer the family members the stronger the link to sabotage.
Recoveryfan joined a support group, which is very endorseable. Her supreme goal is mental health, her supreme value is inner peace and her supreme effort is self-discipline. A self-endorsed person is a secure person. When we change our thoughts to secure thoughts and move our muscles to overcome the defeatism of the brain we will get well. |
| recoveryfan |
Posted - 04/26/2012 : 16:57:00
Thank you everyone! |
| JS |
Posted - 04/26/2012 : 16:23:06
Good average example.
Even when facing non-trivial situations we can use the methods for the trivial aspects that we do encounter.
Replace insecure thoughts with secure thoughts.
Accept or reject. Marriage and child rearing are both phasic and not basic.
Practice, practice, practice, that always does it. [from My Dear One's] |
| taylormarya |
Posted - 04/26/2012 : 11:32:50
Good AVERAGE spotting.
Expectations & disappointments.
Separation from ones spouse is NOT a triviality. It is definitely hard to be comfortable in an uncomfortable situation.
People do things that annoy us, NOT to annoy us.
We can fucntion despite of symptoms.
Do things in part-acts and endorse for every step along the way.
Endorse for being self-led NOT symptom led. Endorse for working the situation down, making a business of menta health and for all the improvement over former days!!  |
| Kathleen |
Posted - 04/25/2012 : 18:19:51
RecoveryFan is making a business and not a game of her good mental health by being self-led rather than symptom-led. Her RI knowledge tells her what to do and how to do and she is putting forth a great deal of effort. You can tell from her spotting that she studies her Recovery lititure and is able to see her situation much like the examples in MHTWTY that she quotes. This helps her to see the averageness of her situation. We all know this sounds simple but we can all see the amount of effort she is putting forth. All this is phasic and not basic and her discomfort will surely bring comfort for her hard work. Dr. Low said that when we feel our worst and try our hardest we make the most gains. Dr. Low reminds us not to be heroes, martyrs or saints and to be kind to our dear self. W can anticipate securely or not at all about the future. We can take things in part acts day by days and self endorse for all our efforts regardless of outcome.
• We strive for AVERAGENESS and BALANCE and are advised by Dr. Low to shun any forms of EXTREMISM in how we think and what we do.
• “The bulk of suffering which is the lot of my patients does not stem from their ‘dreadful’ experiences but rather from their frightening beliefs.” Selections, Pg 62)
• We are a capable lot but we paralyze ourselves with the fear.
• The nervous patient fears change and hate routine.
Imagination is either busy or idle. If idle it is bored, if busy it is interested and either stimulated or frustrated. Its business is to notice, observe and interpret events. Once the event is noticed imagination is aroused or stirred. It may then evince rising concern or stirring excitement. The concern will lead to further investigation and deepened interest, finally yielding some important or trivial discovery. The excitement will give rise to feelings, sentiments and emotions. Note here that concern, excitement, interest, feelings are intimately associated with the function of imagination.
Dr. Low words on imagination- "You will understand now that if the nervous patient is to regain his lost imaginative balance his preoccupations with ideas of insecurity will have to give way to occupations with thoughts of security, that is, with hopes, dreams and pleasurable anticipations. You will also understand that hopes, dreams and joyful anticipations are the very warp and woof of decisions, plans and conclusions. And if you ask how you can manage to rout your preoccupations my answer will be of the simplest kind: Stop listening to the threat of the symptomatic idiom and the imbecilities of the temperamental lingo and your imagination will again be able to indulge in its stimulating occupations and you will be in a position to make decisions, draw conclusions, formulate plans without fearing the dreadful consequences suggested to you by temper and symptom. Learn to use the Recovery language of self-confidence and fearlessness and your imagination will be freed of the deadweight of panics and anxieties. Thus delivered it will once again occupy itself with thoughts of security and ideas of self-sufficiency."
Build up a vast fund of self endorsements. Stockpile them so they can be made to flow in a stream from your leading predisposition (Philosophy) down to your to your dispositions for total acts, finally to seep through to each separate position in every single part act. Selection p.45-47
A self endorsed person is a secure person! |
| snagelpus |
Posted - 04/25/2012 : 07:00:59
Spots for recoveryfan: First there's a lot to endorse for here!
When we're in a set back, we can go back to the basics: Command the muscles_ change our thoughts_ and take the danger out of it.
recoveryfan planned decided and acted here by deciding to join a support group for people seperated /divorced. Every act of self control brings a feeling of self respect. I'll spot we can lower our standards to improve our performance. Endorse for every part act. Try fail_ try fail_try succeed. We endorse for effort and not necessarily for success. I'll spot part acts again ( one day at a time) Anticipation is often worse than realization. The past and future are our outer environment. Endorse, Endorse, Endorse ! |
| thursday49 |
Posted - 04/24/2012 : 18:41:23
Plenty of room to endorse in this example.
 A self endorsed person is a secure person.
We self endorse for efforts made, not for successes only.
We take things in part acts.
Dr. Low encouraged us to deal with matters as much like the average person would as possible. No saints, heros or martyrs.
We can lower our standards for ourselves and outer environment and watch our performance rise.
We can exit the scene of excitement any time emotions get too heated.
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| SandyLane |
Posted - 04/24/2012 : 18:29:00
Recoveryfan can endorse herself for all of her efforts in this situation.
She is making a business out of her mental health, it is not a game.
She can do things in part acts.
She decided, planned, and will act on attending a support group.
A firm decision can steady us.
She is choosing to be self-led rather than symptom-led.
We don't wait to get well in order to do things, we do things in order to get well.
She is functioning in spite of her symptoms.
She is commanding her muscles to do the things she fears and/or hates to do.
Humor is our best friend.
Endorse! 
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| mon333 |
Posted - 04/24/2012 : 16:51:41
recoveryfan can endorse herself for the spotting that she did do
this is distressing but there is no danger
average to be in lowered feelings at the end of a marriage
she can plan decide and act
anticipate calmly or not at all
helplessness is not hopelessness
she can take the secure thought she has recovery
we cannot control outer enviroment everything is outer enviroment we can only influence it
here feelings and sensations are a harmless outpouring of a nervous imbalane
endorse endorse endore
secure thoughts she has recovery members
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| eve |
Posted - 04/24/2012 : 15:00:30
ex-spouse is a strong link causing symptoms
Trigger symptoms call for trigger spotting.
Take things in part-acts. |
| Apprentice |
Posted - 04/24/2012 : 14:50:46
Spot only on yourself. Foreign spotting tends to create temper.
Our feelings and thougths can lie to us.
We can't set standards for outside environment.
Fear is a belief in danger- beliefs can be changed.
Thanks for sharing an example. I just read a spot that said, "We have the unrealistic expectation that life should be eternal calm, unbroken serenity, and existence without irritation.....We is ME too.
And of course.......ENDORSE!
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